Fear of man is a curious thing. Never give it sanction, lest you be consumed. This irrational fear has motivated the construction of a wall. You built it from the materials of this fear, and you built it over time. Upon completion of the first wall, another was constructed to accompany it, and then another, and another, and a roof. Even behind your walls, I can see and sense the fear, the pain, and the confusion that you hide so well from others (They have no idea). For you, I feel no anger, frustration, or malice- only bewilderment, and only love. You, who possess a world full of endless possibilities- A world that is driven by hope and love, find yourself trapped inside a prison cell of your own making. I spend my days barred from your prison, but night- when you need me most- you will let me in, and I will come. After dark, I creep in, I begin to tear down the brick and mortar you constructed so carefully, and work to free you from these walls that you so wish so terribly to be removed. With each new dawn, I find the walls mended, and you contentedly sitting in your prison. I find my hands nicked, and sore, bruised, and bloodied. I cannot free you precious, though my love for you compels me to. You can only free yourself.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Today I realized that I have a lot of things about myself that I hate. I believe that everyone has them, however. These are the things that make me doubt myself and keep me from being the person that I want to be; things that it is seriously time to let go of. Because of this I am making a list. It is really long and growing every minute. Some of the things on the list are small, but some of them run pretty deep and are things I have dealt with most of my life. I'm listing them all- big and small.
So here is the task that I have challenged myself with: 1. List everything about myself and in my life that I would like to be different. 2. Carry the list everywhere to remind me of the things I am working on during the day. 3. Pray about the list daily. 4. When I have dealt with and resolved each and every item I will burn the list and move on.
Everyone has skeletons in their closet. And everyone has things in their life they would like to be different. I think anyone could benefit from this. I challenge you to join me.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
This morning in church I had a flashback. It wasn't just a memory that gently floats into your head. It was real; like time travel. I will get back to the flashback in a minute. There are some important elements of this story that you must understand first.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
According to Websters...
to allow or permit
to move or proceed, esp. to or from something:
Therefore, in essence, to let go would be to allow or permit [someone] to proceed to [a goal].
During the course of my life I have always considered myself an expert at letting go. After all, I've moved about seven times. However, today I have found myself facing something that I'm having trouble letting go of. As life is changing so rapidly right now, I'm having trouble letting go of people that have meant so much to me for so long. I think my greatest fear has been fueled by the misconception that to let go and to lose are synonymous. To me, to lose means the same as to fail. I think I have just realized that I couldn't have been further from the truth.
Growing up, when my family would move from one place to another, letting go was simple- necessary even. It's not hard to let go when there are no other options. Now, I am learning that I apparently know nothing about the art of letting go. I now realize how all the friends from my past would feel as I broke the news of my impending relocation and then left them behind. This feeling sucks.
I also realized that while I have been refusing to let go, I have only been inhibiting myself. People grow up, and as we do, we move on. Although this is nowhere near easy, it's necessary. "According to my watch the time is now, the past is dead and gone. Don't try to explain it, just bow your head. Breathe in. Breathe out. Move on." -Jimmy Buffett